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标题: 新员工条例（英语，顺便练下阅读理解） [打印本页]
作者: 九如通津    时间: 2006-2-16 21:23     标题: 新员工条例（英语，顺便练下阅读理解）

Dear Staff:

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you should come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a
raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need
a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need
all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you
intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.

ANNUAL LEAVE
All employees will take their annual leave at the same time every year.
The leave days are as follows: January 1 & December 25

TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the Toilets. In the future, we
will follow the practice of going in Alphabetical Order. For instance,
all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20,
employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so
on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary
to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme
emergencies, employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both
employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In
addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At
the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the Notice
board under "Chronic Offenders" category.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to
get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5
minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim
Fast and take a diet pill. Thank you for your loyalty to the company. We
are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice weekend

The Management
作者: 吃花生的大灰狼    时间: 2006-2-16 22:22

原帖由 九如通津 于 2006-2-16 21:23 发表
If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
...

At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the Notice
board under "Chronic Offenders" category.




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