學校XX處給學生的通告


學校XX處給學生的通告...看完暈倒!
這個……不幸地(?),是英文的笑話……
不過我想說,只要懂一個字,只一個很重要很重要的字,一看便會明白……………………(別跟我說連這字也不會啊……汗)


Memo to all students: In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.).
We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed on the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Students who don?|t take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATION EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don?|t have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already. If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERESTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).
This course empathises how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.. If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).
Yours sincerely,
Director Under the Michigan Bureau of Special High Intensity Teaching
(D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T.)

翻譯

給所有學生的備忘錄:
為了確定學生能達到水平最高,有工作質素最好和生產量高的標準,
我們定下了一個名為「特殊高質量教育(SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING
[簡稱為「屎」(S.H.I.T.)])」政策以保證所有學生都有優良的質素。

我們正嘗試給予學生比其他院校多更多「屎」的機會。假如你認為自己沒有
收到課程中屬於你的那份「屎」的話,請盡快連絡你的教授。你將會在短期內
被列到「屎」名單的頂端,而我們對這方面很有技巧的教授們將會教導你怎樣
應付一切取的「屎」所遇到的困難。

任何沒有取得「屎」的學生將會被送到「特殊高質量教育部門
(DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATION EVALUATION PROGRAMS [簡稱「深屎」
(D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.)])」接受評估。


那些考「深屎」不及於的學生將要接受「學習態度訓練(EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING
[簡稱「吃屎」(E.A.T.S.H.I.T.)])」。由於我們的教授們在畢業前都已取得
「屎」,他們將不用再做「屎」,而且還算擁有完全的「屎」了。要是你也
有完全的「屎」,而又對教授其他人的這份工作有興趣的話。我們可以將你
的名字加進我們的「基本認識教授人員列表(BASIC UNDERESTANDING LECTURE
LIST [簡稱為「牛屎」(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.)])」中。至於有意欲從事管理及
顧問之行業的學生,我們將會將你交予「管理調查教育部(department of
MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION [簡稱「多屎」(M.O.R.E.
S.H.I.T.)])」。

這個課程注重怎樣管理「多屎」。如有任何問題,請直接連絡
「教育部首腦,特殊高質量教育(簡稱「熱屎」[(H.O.T.S.H.I.T.)]),」。

Yours sincerely,
密西根特殊高質素辦事處董事長(Director Under the Michigan Bureau of Special High Intensity Teaching[簡稱「笨屎」(D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T.)])

让我想起来高中时的教导主任了,好像南方人,在北方呆了n年了,说话还是有口音。每个星期一的早上他都负责训话,有一次谈到学生们吃零食的事儿。可是因为他的口音,零食就变成了零屎。一下是他讲话的大致内容:
近来学校发现很多同学课间吃零屎,走到哪里吃到哪里,而且还乱扔零屎袋子,搞的学校卫生很不好。希望同学们能提高自己的自我管束能力,不要有卖零屎的你就买,有那么好吃吗?最后,希望大家吃零屎的时候注意学校卫生,否则学校要考虑将校门口卖零屎的小商小贩全部都敢走!!
君子小人,总在一念思量

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