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发表于 2007-6-22 18:32
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it's been great and I feel blessed to have had this chapter in our lives
This is a time of great excitement and movement for many expat families, as the school year ends and people begin departing for extended home leaves. However, a cloud of uncertainty hangs over one group of folks -- those who still don't know where they will be stationed next year. They say goodbye to departing friends without a clear idea of when or if they will see them again. Most of the people I know in this situation approach it with an admirable shrug and sense of adventure.
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% d4 `1 i$ ~( U5 iMy friend Ilene and her family arrived in Beijing at the same time as us, in August 2005. Like us, they had no previous expat experience and little in the way of expectations. And, like us, they took to life here quickly, learning to be amused by the daily frustrations that leave some folks enraged. Ilene's husband is working on one-year contracts, which aren't uncommon here because of the expense of employing a full-package expat; no company wants someone here who isn't deemed totally necessary.. t( l( ?2 p2 O f0 p$ p0 D; |1 }
( X2 C* l' L2 U; o% c! zA year ago they weren't ready to head home and were enthusiastic in June, when his contract was extended for a second year. But there's no word about a third year so far.
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. n9 D# r" o/ y人在德国 社区'We'd love to stay and we're trying to work it out,' Ilene says. 'You have to take a step back and say, 'This is a fantastic experience and if it ends right now, it's been great and I feel blessed to have had this chapter in our lives.' '人在德国 社区9 L- ?0 m" r, w: z: M* f, P
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I feel much the same way, and a big part of that experience is the people I've met here. I had no idea that this would prove to be such a social time in our lives. Because the expat community is pretty tight-knit, the continual goodbyes are hard. We have recently hosted or attended farewell parties for people bound for Singapore, Sydney and Cleveland.
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* M/ z. X. [( Brs238848.rs.hosteurope.deA decade ago, we moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan, where an old friend of Rebecca's lived with his wife, pursuing a Ph.D. The first time we met, he asked how long we planned on sticking around. I wasn't sure and he wasn't reassuring.5 S. W( i- i* g+ H9 G+ {
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'We don't hang out with people coming here to get Masters degrees any more,' he said. 'They're gone too soon. You need to be going for a Ph.D.'
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He was just joking -- we left Ann Arbor after two years, but remain dear friends with him and his wife -- but now I understand what he was getting at. It's difficult to continually make new friends, get close, then say farewell, and now I can sometimes sense this wariness when I meet longtime expats. We're relative rookies, and I hope the folks who'll arrive over the summer will find me open and inviting. It can be hard to get the kids to take a long view, however.
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Last year, I wrote about our eldest child Jacob losing two of his best buddies. The three boys remain close. We visited Javier Wong in San Francisco over Christmas break and he and Jacob reconnected like they'd seen each other the day before. In August, we'll visit Andrew Moy in Washington, D.C..5 d0 ]' {1 Z# u) z+ u
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This year it's Jacob's little brother Eli facing a big loss, as his dear friend Hugo's family pack their bags for Singapore. Eli has suffered more than any of us from leaving friends and family behind in the U.S. and I feared the worst when I learned about Hugo's impending move.
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I thought back to when we first met Hugo's family, on vacation in Thailand, a place I really never thought I'd see. Playing on the beach, Hugo asked my boys if they could be friends forever.rs238848.rs.hosteurope.de% O5 U" |" c7 \9 U0 u% a
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'Sorry, no.' Jacob replied, acting as the spokesman. 'We actually live in New Jersey and we're just in China for three years.'
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9 J1 l. G+ l4 f% X'Oh,' Hugo replied. 'Can we be friends for three years then?'rs238848.rs.hosteurope.de5 W1 Z1 S! V+ f6 t% t% @
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'Sure.'人在德国 社区9 z1 g5 t. @. N! j& q1 r
, B. Y6 b0 [4 o Y+ u8 ?. wrs238848.rs.hosteurope.deHugo smiled; three years is forever to a five-year-old. Now, 18 months later, Hugo is about to become another long-distance friend. Eli took the news surprisingly well, but it only reinforced his view of expat living as an endless series of heartbreaks. I try to convince him his life is richer for the experience, but he doesn't want to hear it.4 G8 [% A7 @# ]. k
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'Everyone in America is still there and we still love them and they still love us,' I tell him. 'And now you also have all these great new friends in your life. After we go back to America, we'll have friends in Australia, Hong Kong, China, England...'
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It's a kids' version of 'better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' and he doesn't buy it any more than anyone else nursing a broken heart ever has.
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As I think about such things, Ilene is running around Beijing doing 'exit shipping' and planning a trip to Japan, which she and her husband wanted to visit before leaving Asia. She has enrolled her kids in school both here and in the U.S. for next fall, and while some parts of suburban America will be welcome, such as clean air and family nearby, she worries about readjusting. 'I've enjoyed the new experiences and travel, and going back to carpooling and being a soccer mom will take get some getting used to,' she says.
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1 `5 y' ], Y" ]+ T: h; D1 Crs238848.rs.hosteurope.deIlene has no major concerns about her kids. Her son is happy either way, while her daughter is pushing for a move to Finland -- her best friend in China is preparing to return to Helsinki next week, and that seems like a perfect destination to her eight-year-old mind. Her father's employer doesn't have many people there. But maybe Nokia's hiring. |
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